Yes, it makes one very lonely having the sort of power you wrote of.3 I seek out those few women who are not subservient — quite instinctively. Those whom one dominates cease to count; and yet one can’t help trying to dominate — it is a queer contradiction.
I am glad to know all about Maurice. You must fix your mind on parting from Miles (from living in the same house I mean) at latest when I come out — for his sake as well as yours, and of course for mine — for mine it is absolutely vital. When Miles is wearing you out you are lifeless and the essential quality of you is dead. I may not be at large very long — there is no certainty of escaping prison as a C.O.4 I shouldn’t urge all these things if I were not absolutely sure that both for you and Miles parting is <a word is missing here>.a What makes prison trying is simply the longing for you. But for that I could settle down and vegetate. But I want you, quite terribly. And when I feel things are not prospering with you it grows much harder — I have such a fearful longing to be able to come out and comfort you. <page torn away here>b O my Heart’s Comrade, I feel so near you, so intimate.
[document] This letter was edited from an unsigned, undated typescript (document 200322) in the Malleson papers in the Russell Archives. Colette noted on an accompanying slip that the original was missing. In fact, the typescript appears to be a composite of extracts from at least two letters whose originals are not extant in the Russell Archives. An earlier typescript of much of document 200322 is 201122 (of which there is a second, later typescript, RA1 710.052420). 201122 is the source of Letter 47. The portions of 200322 that do not appear in 201122 form the present letter.
[date] A typed note, presumably by Colette, that came to McMaster with the letter indicates that although the original letter is missing, it was written on a “‘Wed. evg.’, probably on or abt 24 July 1918.”
you wrote of Colette’s letter was not identified.
no certainty of escaping prison as a C.O. BR was concerned that since the military service age had been raised to 50 and that even though he would register as a conscientious objector, he might be either kept in prison once he had served his six-month sentence, or sent back almost immediately on his release.
Let the Attic if you can — we could never be happy there. It is not clear why BR felt that way. Miles had lived in the Attic with Colette, so BR may have wanted to make a fresh start elsewhere with her.
<a word is …> This remark was added by Colette in full caps when she made the transcription. A typed note indicates that the original is missing and “the following extracts are all that remain of it.”
<page torn away here> This remark was added by Colette in full caps when she made the transcription. A typed note indicates that the original is missing and “the following extracts are all that remain of it.”